I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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