yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
where does the pee come out of this thing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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