Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
