That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
