is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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