My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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