Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
