You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
