Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
