my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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