why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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