that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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