did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
