I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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