last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize