Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dignity is for republicans.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
