You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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