You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
