i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
