So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
