I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
