I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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