I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
