Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
