Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
