dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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