I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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