she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize