My room smells like vodka and shame
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
