We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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