how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
