I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
