I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
