She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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