We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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