hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
