I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize