Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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