Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
