does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
