Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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