OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i would one night stand the shit outta him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
