so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
