I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize