i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
