Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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