i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
