Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
