this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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