You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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