You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
