I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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