I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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