In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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