There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
