Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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