my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
