I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
