WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize