How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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