You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
