So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
