last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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