we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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