Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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