yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
