we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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