first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
