Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
